Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of
 your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for dreams,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of you own sorrow, if
you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled
      and closed
from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain,
         or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want
         to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own;
if you can dance with wildness and
let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without
    cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the
limitations of being a human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
     if you
can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray you own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I
    want to know if you can see the beasty eve if it's not pretty every day,
         and if you can
source you life from God's Presence. I want to know if you can live
          with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a
   lake and shout to the silver moon,  'Yes!'

It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
         weary, bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself; and if you truly
like the company you keep in the empty moments.

                                    The Invitation, inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer,
                                                                   Native American Elder, May 1994

Church - where I'm at with it...

I have headed back to church... this is something that has been a long time coming... though in saying this it doesn't mean that I am a complete believer of what my home church is about... I can still see the little contradictions... but I am here to learn to live and accept pain... to learn how to be brave in spite of it being a difficult journey... to practice hearing others' pain and being empathic not listening with sympathy... (I'll put up a difference later).
With the development of these skills hopefully I will accept contraindications of a church… hopefully one that is the least flawed/best aligns with my values…
I hope to show this strength to my children… learn about multiple churches/religions so that they too can go through this process to find their faith.

Finding ME

Whilst Sean is away... indefinately... after wollowing in feeling I am pulling myself out to get back to and do those things I want to...
CLOTH NAPPIES and NO NAPPIES is one of these things... I am so excited... BEN HAS A BIG BUM!!!
Here comes my motorbike learners,
All the gardening projects I ever wanted,
Managing my own money without compromise,
Re-connecting with churches,
having friends over, visiting, and connecting with others...

I hope to get a lot more done over time including adding pics up here... having an unschooling journal.

Coming Down to Earth

AAARRRGGGHHHH... I feel as if I am a addict. Addicted to behaviours I have learnt from my loving Grandmother... It usually isn't as bad when she isn't here but when she is AAARRRGGGHHH. I an addicted to second guessing oneself- worry and concern, needing to feel secure by understand it all.
I need to retrain myself... any suggestions?
I have a few...
All of this is an assistance to stopping myself from being brave. Trusting in myself and the direction I am given. I so want to live my life free of this bullshit.